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November 11, 2007



wonderful, wonderful stuff... i know where you are coming from re: the underlying malificent nature of cows - i had a few run ins with them as a kid and the very worst thing about them... well when i was a youngster i encountered a herd of them bursting down the road like a bovine tsunami and i immediately legged it, as you do, as i got back home i tried to tell me dad what i was running from and why i was so knackered when the smallest cutest little calf appeared at the bottom of the lane emitting the loveliest little moooo... all that was left was everyone to laugh at me.

So, yeah I'm happy that these stories are coming out now about crazed cows attacking folk - it gives me a reason for my fear of the beasts

James Robbins

It seems you've been having quite a time of it lately. Have you exhausted your apple supply? Maybe some have decomposed enough that you can start making your own scrumpy cider. Is the boat better now? Is she gonna last through til December?

I'm concerned about your cow fear. I like cows. OK they're big but they're pretty with those huge brown eyes and long curly eyelashes and big noses. Oh yeah and rough tongues, i know i'v ebeen licked by one. They're nice! I have run away from a bull, but cows tend to run away from me rather than towards me. Maybe they pick up on your fear vibes. I'm pleased that you challenge yourself by venturing through fields.
I have heard stories of people brought up in the country who used to go cow tipping. Now there's a mean trick! You go up to a cow at night or in the early hours (with 3 or 4 friends after all cows are big!)when it is asleep. You know it is asleep because it is stood motionless, doesn't move as you approach and has even stopped chewing the cud. You approach target cow from the side and with your team mates give it an almighty shove thereby tipping it over. It then wakes up on it's side on teh ground thinking what happened? The tippers beat a hasty retreat i guess, i didn't ask about that bit, but no injuries were reported. I wanted to ring the cow protection people. Poor cows!
Anyway that's my cow anecdote. I just wondered, did you Al and Lou leave the field at the top end , nearer the pub, or beat a hasty retreat back the way you came, so making your journey pubwards longer?


We left at the bottom of the field, trip-trapped back over the troll-bridge and then tramped a different route across the middle of Farmer Giles' field back to the road, climbing a over a five bar gate at the last. We then route-marched up the hill to the pub (I was no longer forging ahead as I only have short legs and am not good at walking fast) because, with all the dilly-dallying incurred by horses and cows being far to frisky for our liking, we really had to get to the pub pronto. You see we were running the risk of missing the boat (as it were) for our Sunday roast dinner booking! And as it turned out, that would have been tragic, becuase it was a good one!

It was all very funny, and in the heirarchy of species, the smallest,(and aruably most intelligent)one lost(or bottled)the encounter. I think it was all the fault of the horses (who seemed to be least affected by the whole thing - except perhaps the one that was kicked in the face by a double-rear hoofed attack) and they definitely had wild eyes. I think the cows were irked at the horses rather than us, and that the sense of purpose with which they were running towards us was exacerbated by the fact that a) they were running downhill, b) we were in close proximity to the feeding trough and c) both Debs and Al had red coats on! Oh, and Deb reckoned there were a couple of bulls in there!

Nevertheless, on comparing notes on incidents relating to stampeding cows with two walkers in the village of Gayton, they recounted a story of vaulting a hedge to escape being trampled.

So, maybe cows aren't so docile after all.


Little More

You see that's the thing, Lou, cows are not docile. They are malevolent, slavering, ill-willed beasts that cover up their brutal intent with an air of ironic nonchalance. They are also posessed of a nasty sense of humour: Witness that little calf that followed Toast home and made him look like a complete wally. That was no coincidence. That cow was sent by the herd. Demons.


cow are ok ............i know iam one...mooooooooooooooooooooooooo..
like the cut of your jibb, your clogs funny,thats blog unless you have clogs and they may ell be humorous

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